Juubee Ninpuuchou

Ninja Scroll was one of the first examples of anime I ever saw, and it made a lasting impression on me - a bad one. Luckily, I was already convinced of the ability of anime to stand up to anything that live action could throw at it. This, on the other hand, went a long way towards making me realise that, as with anything else (I now realise - I was young and had no sense), not all anime is superb.

So, what's wrong? Well, ninjas. I await the day when I can see a ninja character that I can even begin ... to believe in. However, it seems it is illegal to have ninjas that you can actually believe in; they all have to be supernatural and/or sublimely skilled, to an order of magnitude above and beyond your garden variety trained killer. Ninja Scroll is the very epitome of this attitude. They're not just sneaky guys with throwing knives, they turn to stone and have steerable mystic claws on endless chains and can hold off their own deaths until they deliver that one vital message. All the most hackneyed and OTT things you can imagine ninjas doing, in all the most trashy b-movies and cheesy games, they happen here. It's also, to my eye, unnecessarily nasty in its graphicness, tone and inference - I'm not squeamish, but I would rather gore had some point. Think Naruto meets Urotsukidoji, but with rather less sex and filler episodes, and zero lightheartedness or charm.

Everything in Ninja Scroll is resolutely (tediously) grim and opressive all the time. It's actually quite tiring. All the characters are also gratingly simplistic. There's a hero, a heroine who is not allowed to be strong enough to look after herself in order that our hero Jubei can save her from a nasty fate, assorted sneaky buggers and of course all those supernatural ninjas. No-one is remotely credible as a character. Of course, they're not supposed to be, really, Ninja Scroll is clearly a very long way from realism. The point is, this is a genre piece, and if you're not enamoured of the stereotype of ninjas, well, this'll not do anything to persuade you. Then again, if Magikal Ninjery is your line, I'm sure you'll think I should rate this way higher.

To be fair, it's not the worst thing ever in the history of ever. The art style isn't really my cup of tea, but is distinctive and unique, with bold outlines, solid colours and overall a very stylised look. Some of the ideas, if you can get past the basic ridiculousness to suspend your disbelief, are inventive and unexpected. However, I was unable to make it that far.

I'm not going to pretend to be objective or anything, this is what I think, and I think Ninja Scroll is terrible. There are likely many who will disagree, but there it is, it's the kind of thing that polarises opinions.

Do you know that animation, as a medium, has reached a point where its maturity and ability to discuss important, relevant issues and to inspire people in their daily life is equal if not greater than live-action movies and series? Kanashimi No Belladonna, the Satoshi Kon trilogy of Perfect Blue, Paprika and Millennium Actress (trilogy made by the same company who did this, of all things), Sailor Moon, Cowboy Bepop, Ideon etc. etc. etc. all helped to push the medium out of the sole children's reach (I mean it with no offense for children, who are everything other than stupid) and they're far more relevant ... and mature than so-called live action "masterpieces". By watching this turd and the infinite amount of accolades it has received during the years, you wouldn't believe it. Why? because this is a 100% horny, childish teenager fantasy with nothing relevant, interesting and mature in it, meaning it all comes to tits, ass and gore and nothing else. There's the badass main ninja male who is indestructible, there's the female side character voiced by the always amazing Emi Shinohara (who is the sole reason why I watched this after avoiding it like the plague for years due to its overbloated hype) who serves no purpose other than showing some boobas while being raped (twice) and to contrivedly fall in love/have sex with said ninja male, there's the third old guy who again serves no purpose other than mumbling something about an inexistant plot because who cares of having something resembling an actual plot when you have tits, ass and gore?! and there's the enemy, whose charisma is less than that of a faceless minion trooper in a showa superhero Tokusatsu and, like the female ninja, most of the time it doesn't go beyond the function of showing some nudity. And, mind you, the combination of tits, ass, sex and gore for the sake of tits, ass, sex (ridicolous early sex scene including the ninja clan leader I'm looking at you) and gore can have its moments (even if I would prefer no pointless rape innuendo in them), but it can have them in something that doesn't take itself way too seriously like the first Lady Death Comics by Brian Pulido, where it was clear that was the focus of the guy and, albeit nobody would call them masterpieces in any way, they were fun. On the contrary, this movie takes itself so goddamn seriously that it clearly thinks of itself as the animated equivalent of Taiga dramas when in reality it's a teenager escapade overhyped for no real reason. Again, I question: why? it is because of the technical element? of the pretty good japanese voice acting? I don't get it. A pretty, well animated and well voiced void is still a pretty, well animated and well voiced void, no matter how you make it beautiful on the outside. Avoid wasting your time on this with no remorse whatsoever and, if you're an Emi Shinohara fan like me, watch something else with her in it (Abaranger and Dekaranger, for example?) or re-listen to her beautiful musical albums like I'm doing in this moment, her doing the good job you're already expecting from her with the non-existant material she's given doesn't save this dreck one single inch.
Edit: DEFINITELY watch Abaranger over this anytime if you're an Emi Shinohara fan and you want to remember her as the amazing lady she was in the right way, no questions attached.